Beer Pong Asia Constitution

During the first week of having our first college apartment, we roommates had agreed on a Beer Pong Constitution for our home; a mechanism to establish clear, unbreakable rules for all players to follow. Good grief…it was beautiful. We printed it poster size, laminated it, and mounted it over the table for all newcomers to see. It was comprehensive, covering every aspect of game setup, play, and conclusion. Never again, at least in our abode, would anyone have to waste time establishing rules before a match.

Our euphoria was short-lived. The number of times we had to explain the house rules over 2 years: 1,532.

It still looked good, though, and served the purpose of cementing our place as a bona fide Beer Pong realm.

It didn’t take long for our first “fun run” to occur. The importance of this is understated. If people don’t take your place seriously, there’s no way in hell that they’ll be willing to strip and undertake a “lap of shame” or “fun run” after being shutout in a match. (This being a naked run around the apartment complex’s pool.)

Destiny smiled upon us. An all-female team was shutout partway through an early party at our place, and very honorably served their sentence. Our creed had been established and the word was out. More would follow.

It would be less than a year before I was fun-runned at my own table. I served my penance with a smile on my face. My partner, however, slipped while turning a corner during our lap and somehow lost all of his belongings in the bushes. Serves him right for not hitting a single goddamn cup!

It is critical that a uniform style of play and set of rules is adapted and followed for any domicile that wants to host serious Beer Pong gaming. Games can involve 6 cups or 10, can allow multiple re-racks or none, can permit bouncing or not. There are countless variables to consider. For instance, balls hitting the same cup in one turn resulted in an automatic win for us, but usually don’t at most other tables. Get it straight ahead of time. Because at our place, you’d better have finished your beer once we hit it. It was a live target as long as it remained unfinished. Be as outraged as you want. Claim that those aren’t the rules you play by. Read the Constitution, champ.

The bouncing technique is both skillful and cheap…we banned that shit. Keep trying it though.

Play full contact a.k.a. “live ball” pong in small doses. Polyester rug burns are for life.

Once that ball is in the cup, moving or not, you’d better be lacking in a Y-chromosome before you even consider meddling with it. Call it fingering, or blowing, or whatever other sexual connotation you want to use. Fuck off. Being thrown off the table is the least of your worries otherwise. Try to look yourself in the mirror afterwards. The Constitution is laminated on the wall, buddy, and only bitches blow. Now kindly go fuck yourself with a tree branch.

The rules were not meant to be broken here.

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